Why I won’t go on a carnival cruise vacation.
I don’t like rave parties and I don’t want to pay my hard-earned money to be stuck on a cruise ship with a bunch of drunken louts. But that’s just me.
Think about it, you’re anticipating a relaxing, somewhat elegant cruise vacation and you end up on the S.S. Animal House. Not all cruise lines are alike (to say the least), and with Carnival, you are taking a trip that will make you wish you’d never left the farm. (Little seventies music reference there)
Let’s face it, your idea of a great cruise trip will not always match up with another person’s idea of a great cruise trip. People have different tastes and different expectations for their perfect vacation, and more power to them. There is a ship for everyone. Carnival is just not my idea of time and money well spent. Even if they are cheap cruises, I won’t waste my time hanging with a lot of loud, rude, drunk yahoos. Rowdy teenagers who stagger around, drunk off their butts, causing scenes and putting shampoo in the Jacuzzis. Fat women in astonishing swimwear with their three foot tall Carnival Cruise “drink of the day” souvenir plastic monstrosities, making that hideous “WOOOO-HOOOOO” shriek. And how about pot-bellied, hairy-backed men competing the belly-flop contests and sometimes *shudder* wearing speedo-like swimsuits. It’s especially bad when they stand with their back to you and bend over from the waist in order to pull up their dark socks. Alert customs! That dude is smuggling a fruit basket into the country! And call the doctor, we’ve got an outbreak of nausea on the Lido Deck!
Also, a Carnival Cruise nickels and dimes you on everything from specialty restaurants to simple bottles of water. Tips are automatically included in your onboard bill, which sort of defeats the whole original purpose of tips being an optional addition for exceptional service.
Then there is the whole hard selling of crappy worthless “art”. Ugh, “Come to the art auction and get a free glass of Chateau de Merde champagne!” Oooo, sure, sign me up, I’ll sacrifice an hour of my precious vacation time to look at over-hyped schlock and get the hard sell from unctuous con men. Oh, and the pricey photos – don’t even get me started on the ever-present cruise photographer who interrupts your dinner, tells you to “hold it” on the gangway every time you get on and off the ship and is snapping pictures just when you don’t want to be immortalized. You should just see the large amount of passengers who line up on formal night to get their photos taken: teens in prom dresses and tiaras – yes, you heard me – tiaras for goodness sake! Everyone’s a freaking princess, especially when they’re shrieking and vomiting by the pool after hours. Oh, sorry your tiara fell off when you were heaving up the Beef Wellington in the hot tub, you lushy low-life. Oops,there goes the Baked Alaska.
It has been said (not by me, oh no, no) that Carnival Cruise Lines, by offering such cheap cruise trips, may be doing the country a favor by temporarily removing some of the riff-raff from our shores. Heh. I’m all for finding a great cruise deal, but sometimes cheap is as cheap does. Or vice-versa -- you get my drift.
And here’s another thing -- who wants to sail on a ship that checks your luggage for contraband booze? It’s true! A lot of the cheap cruise ships, Carnival included, inspect passengers’ carry-ons and luggage to make sure nobody is sneaking booze on board. Some claim and put it in the fine print of their literature that they will even inspect mouthwash bottles to make sure it is really mouthwash and not tequila or whatever. And they will inspect your shopping bags as you return to the ship from a day in port! Yes, let that sink in a moment, Now I don’t know about you but I left junior high years ago and happen to be a fully grown adult, thank you very much and if I want to buy a bottle of wine in port and drink it in my cabin, it rubs me the wrong way that the alcohol police will confiscate it. Sure, they return it to you at the end of the cruise, just in time for you to stuff it in your suitcase, pay forty dollars in excess baggage weight at the airport and hope it doesn’t break en route and soak all your clothes on the flight home. With any luck you will not find yourself in this situation on the drive home from the airport: “No officer, I haven’t been drinking.” “Ma’am, why does your car smell like alcohol?” “Ummm, you see, it’s my illegal wine that I was not allowed to consume on the ship. It, uh, broke. Honest!” “Step out of the car, ma’am. . .”
Listen, I can understand, from a business point of view, why Carnival Cruise offers such cheap cruise vacations and then has to restrict any alcohol from being allowed to be brought on board. The cheap fare is a loss leader. They get as many passengers on board as possible at a below market rate, and rely on making up the difference with your on board spending, primarily at the overpriced bar. A really, really overpriced bar. And what would most interfere with making a killing from the woo-hoo, party till you drop crowd on board? If everyone sneaked in booze from Cancun or Cozumel and set up their own bars in the cabins.
At the end of the day, I have to hand it to Carnival. They have created a hugely successful cruise line that is very popular and profitable. The fares are cheap and almost anyone can afford to take a cruise these days. Just know what you’re getting in to – it won’t be an elegant experience by any means. And it won’t be a particularly relaxing vacation either. When you decide to take a Carnival Cruise trip, that is the price you pay for the price you pay.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Monday, March 9, 2009
Cheap Cruise Vacations for Beginners
With the economy in the dumps, now is the time to review cheap cruise vacations for beginners and show how inexpensive and wonderful a cruise can be.
If you’ve never considered taking a vacation on a cruise ship, the current economy should make you look twice and consider how a cruise is the best vacation bargain out there. Seriously, it’s not just for Thurston Howell III and Lovey anymore! I’m not even close to wealthy, but through careful research have managed to average one cheap cruise a year for the last thirty years. Also I want to emphasize that a “cheap cruise” is sometimes a matter of interpretation – for instance, if I find an incredible deal on a luxury cruise line, say fifty percent off – that counts as a cheap cruise. So don’t be afraid that I’m just going to steer you toward down-market lines. I am, after all, an equal opportunity cheapskate!
First of all, a little background on why I love cruises so much: You get to see the world in a luxurious floating resort filled with interesting people. There is a highly trained staff on hand to take care of your every need. You unpack your suitcase once, yet get to experience many places. Plus it’s so romantic to be on board a cruise ship, champagne in hand, sailing (okay, motoring) over the seas while being waited on hand and foot.
Land tours can make for decent vacation travel, but they can be very exhausting because you have to drag your bag everywhere and unpack and re-pack it every night. The bag has to be packed and outside your room at 6am every morning. Okay, sometimes 7am, but you get my point. You have to shower and get ready and re-pack all your things and hope that you don’t need anything in your suitcase for the rest of the day because, too bad, it’s locked in the bowels of the motorcoach. Then comes the next part: Sitting on a bus all day and then having to quickly pull clean clothes from a bag – oops, they’re wrinkled, too bad, no time to iron – this just grates on your nerves and provides added stress.
In contrast, once you arrive on your cruise ship, you can unpack once and never have to worry about re-packing. If, during the day, you’d like to go to your cabin and grab a sweater, retrieve that book, put on lipstick or use your own bathroom, no problem! Anyway, that’s just a little background about why I prefer to travel on a cruise ship versus a land tour.
To get down to the real point of this article, here is why a cruise is the perfect way to have a cheap vacation. On a cruise vacation, many things are all inclusive -- for instance if you were traveling on your own you would have to pay for a hotel every night, plus transportation and three meals a day. On a cruise vacation, one low (I’m getting to this) price covers accommodations and all meals. Really, you never have to go hungry on a cruise ship.
Here is a run-down of a typical day from the point of view of food: the night before, you can leave a room service breakfast order on your door and, at the time you wish, it will be delivered and set up in your cabin to enjoy. Let’s say that is not enough or you just prefer coffee and toast when you first wake up. Well you can always go to the breakfast buffet or have a sit-down meal in the restaurant. Or both – it doesn’t matter and it is all inclusive. Then, if around eleven, you are feeling a little snacky, there is usually bullion and crackers available somewhere. Just to hold you over to lunch. On my last cruise, I actually had a lunch buffet AND a sit down meal in the restaurant, pretty much just because I could! Then around 4:00, it’s tea time! Scones, snacks and little sandwiches are served up to a piano accompaniment. Dinner time arrives and you roll yourself down to the dining room for a leisurely meal with good company. Then, there’s usually 24 hour room service if you don’t feel like going out at all.
If you’re on a land trip, there’s nothing more frustrating than being hungry and wandering around a strange city trying to find edible food for a reasonable price. It’s a pain and it makes you cranky and takes away from the relaxed feeling that a true holiday should give you. I know I always feel a much greater sense of anticipation and excitement in the time leading up to a cruise vacation versus a land tour. I know that once I walk on board my cruise ship, my worries are over and I will be pampered, fed and transported in luxury to a variety of fascinating places.
Right now, cruises are more affordable than ever. There are bargains everywhere you look, because the cruise lines are very motivated. They are offering cruises for under 100 dollars per night. Now where can you stay in a luxury hotel in a variety of exotic locations and have all the excellent service and fabulous food you could want for under 100 dollars per night? Although people are cutting back on their vacation travel, the ships have to sail whether they are full or not. They will still consume the same amount of fuel and pay the same port charges and pay salaries for the full staff if the ship is one quarter full or one hundred percent full. As the departure date gets closer they offer even bigger discounts (if they are not full and if you can travel on short notice.)
Check the internet at cruise specific sites and also look at individual cruise lines' websites. I also recommend not to forget about the value of a good travel agent, particularly one who is a cruise travel specialist. But make sure that you do your own research as well, because sometimes cruise travel agents push one line over another for reasons of their own.
Many lines are offering free airfare, generous on board credits and some are even offering all the free shore excursions you want.
To review, now is the best time in many years to snag a cheap cruise vacation bargain – for beginners as well as experienced cruisers, there’s no time like the present!
If you’ve never considered taking a vacation on a cruise ship, the current economy should make you look twice and consider how a cruise is the best vacation bargain out there. Seriously, it’s not just for Thurston Howell III and Lovey anymore! I’m not even close to wealthy, but through careful research have managed to average one cheap cruise a year for the last thirty years. Also I want to emphasize that a “cheap cruise” is sometimes a matter of interpretation – for instance, if I find an incredible deal on a luxury cruise line, say fifty percent off – that counts as a cheap cruise. So don’t be afraid that I’m just going to steer you toward down-market lines. I am, after all, an equal opportunity cheapskate!
First of all, a little background on why I love cruises so much: You get to see the world in a luxurious floating resort filled with interesting people. There is a highly trained staff on hand to take care of your every need. You unpack your suitcase once, yet get to experience many places. Plus it’s so romantic to be on board a cruise ship, champagne in hand, sailing (okay, motoring) over the seas while being waited on hand and foot.
Land tours can make for decent vacation travel, but they can be very exhausting because you have to drag your bag everywhere and unpack and re-pack it every night. The bag has to be packed and outside your room at 6am every morning. Okay, sometimes 7am, but you get my point. You have to shower and get ready and re-pack all your things and hope that you don’t need anything in your suitcase for the rest of the day because, too bad, it’s locked in the bowels of the motorcoach. Then comes the next part: Sitting on a bus all day and then having to quickly pull clean clothes from a bag – oops, they’re wrinkled, too bad, no time to iron – this just grates on your nerves and provides added stress.
In contrast, once you arrive on your cruise ship, you can unpack once and never have to worry about re-packing. If, during the day, you’d like to go to your cabin and grab a sweater, retrieve that book, put on lipstick or use your own bathroom, no problem! Anyway, that’s just a little background about why I prefer to travel on a cruise ship versus a land tour.
To get down to the real point of this article, here is why a cruise is the perfect way to have a cheap vacation. On a cruise vacation, many things are all inclusive -- for instance if you were traveling on your own you would have to pay for a hotel every night, plus transportation and three meals a day. On a cruise vacation, one low (I’m getting to this) price covers accommodations and all meals. Really, you never have to go hungry on a cruise ship.
Here is a run-down of a typical day from the point of view of food: the night before, you can leave a room service breakfast order on your door and, at the time you wish, it will be delivered and set up in your cabin to enjoy. Let’s say that is not enough or you just prefer coffee and toast when you first wake up. Well you can always go to the breakfast buffet or have a sit-down meal in the restaurant. Or both – it doesn’t matter and it is all inclusive. Then, if around eleven, you are feeling a little snacky, there is usually bullion and crackers available somewhere. Just to hold you over to lunch. On my last cruise, I actually had a lunch buffet AND a sit down meal in the restaurant, pretty much just because I could! Then around 4:00, it’s tea time! Scones, snacks and little sandwiches are served up to a piano accompaniment. Dinner time arrives and you roll yourself down to the dining room for a leisurely meal with good company. Then, there’s usually 24 hour room service if you don’t feel like going out at all.
If you’re on a land trip, there’s nothing more frustrating than being hungry and wandering around a strange city trying to find edible food for a reasonable price. It’s a pain and it makes you cranky and takes away from the relaxed feeling that a true holiday should give you. I know I always feel a much greater sense of anticipation and excitement in the time leading up to a cruise vacation versus a land tour. I know that once I walk on board my cruise ship, my worries are over and I will be pampered, fed and transported in luxury to a variety of fascinating places.
Right now, cruises are more affordable than ever. There are bargains everywhere you look, because the cruise lines are very motivated. They are offering cruises for under 100 dollars per night. Now where can you stay in a luxury hotel in a variety of exotic locations and have all the excellent service and fabulous food you could want for under 100 dollars per night? Although people are cutting back on their vacation travel, the ships have to sail whether they are full or not. They will still consume the same amount of fuel and pay the same port charges and pay salaries for the full staff if the ship is one quarter full or one hundred percent full. As the departure date gets closer they offer even bigger discounts (if they are not full and if you can travel on short notice.)
Check the internet at cruise specific sites and also look at individual cruise lines' websites. I also recommend not to forget about the value of a good travel agent, particularly one who is a cruise travel specialist. But make sure that you do your own research as well, because sometimes cruise travel agents push one line over another for reasons of their own.
Many lines are offering free airfare, generous on board credits and some are even offering all the free shore excursions you want.
To review, now is the best time in many years to snag a cheap cruise vacation bargain – for beginners as well as experienced cruisers, there’s no time like the present!
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